Day 63 - A Week in Review
Blog #4: Sucker Punches, Sobriety, and Surprise Adventures
What a week.
There were highs worth celebrating, and one particular low that felt like a sucker punch to the gut—the kind that can send any alcoholic spiraling down a rabbit hole I’ve worked too hard to stay out of. But before we get into that... let’s start with something a little lighter.
It’s Sunday—my favorite day of the week. I’m a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and recently started attending a new ward here in Keizer, Oregon. I’m still the new guy, figuring out names and faces, but I’m slowly finding my way. I even noticed that our neighbors attend the same ward. I was hoping to spot them today but had no luck. Hopefully next week I can say hello and awkwardly initiate what will hopefully become a friendship (I mean, what’s more bonding than the guy-next-door who talks about recovery and day-trading?).
Church today was beautiful. Two women were the main speakers, and I found myself singing along with the congregation, quietly grateful for the peace that washed over me during the sacrament. As an alcoholic, pride is a dangerous luxury I can’t afford. Humility is my lifeline, and church helps me stay grounded in the bigger picture.
Recovery teaches me to reflect—not just daily, but weekly. Every Sunday, I take inventory: What went well? What didn’t? Did I show love? Do I owe anyone an amends? Am I holding onto a resentment? If I am, I get curious and start writing about it. Most of the time, I discover that resentment is just guilt wearing a disguise. And if I don’t deal with it? It’ll fester. Resentment leads to relapse. Relapse leads to insanity. And insanity leads to hell.
Let’s rewind to earlier in the week. I trade stock and crypto when I have time, and let’s just say… the market didn’t exactly play nice. I made a poor trade that left me deep in the red. Painful, but recoverable.
Then Tuesday hit. Wham. That’s when I received a rejection email from California Baptist University for their PhD in Leadership Studies program. I had disclosed my criminal history and submitted an additional essay explaining the who, what, and why of my past. I poured my heart into it. I shared not just what I did, but who I’ve become since—and the path I walk today.
But they passed. It stung. I honestly thought I had a chance. It felt like it was God’s plan... apparently, it was just my plan. God might have a different door waiting. In fact, that same day I got a message from a potential employer about a job opportunity—and later in the week, another interview with a second company. Both roles are based out of Portland, and I feel confident that my skills line up. If something comes of it, great. If not, I’ll keep building ST Consulting with even more drive and ambition.
Despite the setbacks, the week had its highlight: I celebrated 60 days of continuous sobriety on Thursday, July 24th.
I attended an in-person meeting in Salem, sat beside Michelle, and shared a bit of my story with the group. Being surrounded by others battling their own demons reminded me that I’m not alone. This disease thrives in isolation, and it’s always whispering, “Stay home. Hide. You’re not good enough.” But every day, I choose to ignore that voice.
And that same Thursday, after the meeting, I did something I haven’t done in a while—I asked for help.
There’s a guy named Ken who shares at meetings I regularly attend. I’ve always appreciated his wisdom and sincerity, and I knew he was open to sponsoring. I mustered up the courage, approached him, and asked if he’d be my sponsor. He said yes. We met for coffee Saturday and got to know each other. He gave me my first two assignments:
Write a list of all the ways I tried to control my drinking (I already know this list is going to be embarrassingly long).
Write down all the problems alcohol has caused in my life (also a very long list, but cathartic nonetheless).
I’m doing the work because I want the peace and clarity I see in my sponsor. If I want what he has, I need to do what he does.
Now back to that rejection...
Yes, it hurt. Yes, I wanted to drink. I wanted to escape, get angry, and throw a digital tantrum all over social media. But instead, I called my support system, vented to people who understand, and let it go. I reminded myself that if this wasn’t God's plan, something else will come. I’ve already found another program at George Fox University—this one focused on a Doctorate in Business Administration with an emphasis in Data Analytics. If it works out, great. If not, I’ll keep moving forward.
I’m not looking for easy anymore. I’m looking for purpose.
And today, that purpose starts with staying sober, telling the truth, being kind to myself, and saying yes to whatever adventure Michelle has planned for us this afternoon.
